Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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