The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
