As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
