He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
