he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
