so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize