At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
