Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
