I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
