He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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