woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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