i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
