I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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