I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
