you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
