After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
