why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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