hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
