my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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