Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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