I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
