This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
