Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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