R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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