Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
