There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
