Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
