I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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