your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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