# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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