What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
