'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love you. Go after that dick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
