My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
