i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i will never coherently bang her
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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