She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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