i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
