Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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