im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
a search helicopter?!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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