we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
