someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
