i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
