guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
