sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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