remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
