I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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