I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
