we made out on top of his cat.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
