you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
