I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
