we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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