I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
