I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
