I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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