hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
