so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my sisters under your porch take her home
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
