She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
