he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
