Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
