So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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