if i died would you start the facebook group?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
