I think i peed on brittanys purse
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
