I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
