I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
