I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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