took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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