i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
