I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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